A Beautiful Disaster
by clemonlime
Summary: Morgan is angry, Spencer's poker face fails. (Word-for-word dialogue from the scene with Reid and Morgan in "A Beautiful Disaster" that was too heartbroken and left too many things unsaid.)


Three years since they broke up. Three years since Derek Morgan found the one and confided in Reid to try not to be hurt by the confession. And, of course, Reid let him leave. He promised nothing would happen, that everything would go back to normal, and it did for Morgan. Reid was good at his poker face, he knew that. He knew that because for the next three years, every time Savannah and Morgan entered the room with their hands clasped together, Morgan never seemed to see how broken and distracted Reid's speech became.

But now Reid didn't matter. What mattered was that Savannah was hurt and in the hospital, and Morgan was in pain. When Hotch sent him to talk to Morgan, he tried not to feel disappointed, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't bear to see him like that, much less lie to him about the state of Savannah. He stopped to grab a green tea for the man he loved, using it as an excuse to map out what he was going to say.

He found Morgan in a dim waiting room, standing and scowling at the wall in front of him. Reid slowly walked toward the door, wondering if there was a way out of the terrible situation he was in. No, he thought. He couldn't. Morgan looked to him, the scowl still evident on his face, "Were you with Garcia?"

"Yeah," Reid whispered, somewhat hoarsely, offering the warm cup to the other man, "Here, I brought you a green tea. It won't make you as jittery as coffee."

Morgan took the cup, somehow coincidentally not touching Reid's hand. His face was filled with diluted anger, left over from the past hours of his life. "You came instead of Garcia because you know I'd be able to read her.

Reid nodded, trying to send one of those awkward, Reid smiles to Morgan because if he didn't, he wasn't sure if he could hold the act. "That is correct."

Morgan's face became even colder, "And Hotch sent you here to see if I'm stable."

"He didn't say that, but..." Reid nodded slowly, his lips pressed together as he looked away.

"I don't get jittery," Morgan's voice was gravel as he moved to walk away, getting almost halfway across the room before Reid's throat couldn't hold it in.

"Usually you don't," he said smoothly, quietly, his hand moving outward to gesture, "but your carotid tells a different story."

Morgan turned and walked back, obviously interested in what Reid had to say, and even more wanting the company of a person who wouldn't bullshit their way through his hard exterior.

Reid continued, "I've counted 10 heartbeats in the last 3 seconds. That's about 20% higher than your usual when you're under stress..."

"I know you're only trying to protect me, I get it, but _knock it off_ ," Morgan was getting angrier. There had been no outlet for this except for nurses and techs that would just turn and run as soon as Morgan looked at them. Reid was different. Morgan knew that. He watched with little remorse as Reid's eyes considered wandering, looking for a place to focus in order to keep the tears at bay. "I just want to know what you've learned.

Reid looked down and sighed. There was no other way. "When you first told me about Savannah, I'd never seen you like that."

Morgan looked at him, shifting his stance, and watching on as his own heart cracked.

"The decreased levels of central serotonin in your brain cause intrusive thinking," Reid nodded, trying to signal Morgan that it was okay. "When I finally saw you guys together... that's when I knew for sure."

Morgan was stilled. He stared in silence, his eyes beginning to water.

Reid saw this and began to smile sadly, walking forward just like he used to do when the cases they worked together were getting too much for Morgan to bear. "Your pupils dilated, your posture changed, and I saw _you_..." Reid's voice was beginning to break already, but he tried to keep it together, if not for him, for Morgan, ".. _.involuntarily_ reach for her hand. Science confirmed it. You've... found the one. Do you believe that?"

The tears began to surface, Morgan's eyes were unable to break away from the man in front of him as he said, with no doubt, "Yes."

"Then believe this," Reid said, "Our team loves you, and we are not going to stop until we find whoever did this. But we can only do that with a completely dispassionate and unprejudiced point of view. Paternal instinct is a deadly bias that we just can't risk. It's for your protection, Morgan, I _swear_..."

Morgan realized, in that moment, what he'd done. How he'd left the man with nightmares behind without a single check in text or box of chocolates. But there was nothing he could do. Not anymore.

"Okay," Morgan whispered.

Reid nodded slowly, opening his mouth to say something but smiling again and backing away, making eye contact once more and dragging his gaze down the man he'd never get to love before walking away.

Morgan watched him go until the case resurfaced in his mind, "The unsub is a father, isn't he?"

Reid quickly turned, his face showing everything he felt in that moment. He'd messed up. "Why do you say that?"

Morgan walked up to him, tilting his head, and holding eye contact as he tried, oh how he tried, to keep his cool. The anger was sliding up his throat. He recited the words from seconds earlier, "A paternal instinct is a deadly bias? Those were your exact words."

Reid sighed and looked down to his feet, "I m-meant..."

"I know what you meant," Morgan was a squint away from glaring at Reid. "But that's what you said."

Reid let him walk, again, keeping his mouth shut. He'd said enough. He'd said too much, and now what little composure he had was failing. He turned to follow Morgan with a heavy heart, knowing he'd return to his apartment empty handed just as he had for the past three years.


End file.
